Why do men ignore their wives emotional needs? What can a wife do to express these needs without nagging?

Men are known for being the best of gentlemen prior to "I do". They plan special dates, send flowers, compliment you, touch you-- a lot, and seem simply smitten before the nuptuals. For some odd reason, however, things change for the worse after the vows. I thought this was only true for "other people's husbands" and was certain that it would never happen to me, however, it did. It seems that once the honeymoon period came to an end, so did the romance and affection in my marriage. I've been married for almost three years now and ironically, I've actually grown in my affection towards my husband. I enjoy his company, enjoy being physically intimate with him, and let's just say, his wish is my command in the bedroom. I cook, I clean, I treat him like a king, I'm nice to him, I engage in meaningful conversation, but none of this seems to matter much anymore. I have asked him if there is any way that I am not satisfying him or if there is anything that he would like me to change and the answer is always, "no". Nevertheless, in return for my love I get taken for granted and treated as trivial. We've gone to counseling. Nothing changed. We've met with our pastor. Again, nothing changed. He always admits that he has been selfish or insensitive and promises to be more attentive and affectionate but after a day or two, he doesn't continue to follow through on his promises. I meant it when I committed to him 'til death do us part, but it's not supposed to be this hard. He's not supposed to be this selfish or inconsiderate. He is a totally different person than the man I thought I married and I don't want to begin treating him the way he treats me because I know that may lead to our demise for sure. He says that he still loves me and wants to be with me, but I feel so empty and unfulfilled in our marriage. We seem to have come to an impe. What should I do? I'm going emotionally crazy!